How To Write an Outstanding Personal Statement

UPDATE: This article was originally posted on March 5, 2021. It has been updated with new information and tips below. 

Trying to fit your entire professional story and future plans into 1,000 words or less is no easy task. When you have dozens of successes and notable accomplishments under your belt, a complex set of values and passions, and goals and vision that require lots of explanation, how can you be concise while marketing all of this in an engaging and powerful way? 

But first, what is a statement of purpose or personal statement? 

Essentially, these are both relatively open-ended prompts that allow you to focus on the aspects of yourself and your career that you want. However, it is important to have a few key elements in your response: previous experience (both professional and personal), goals, and how all of this relates to the program you are applying to. 

Luckily, the team here at Ellin Lolis Consulting has plenty of experience helping graduate school applicants translate their accomplishments, ideas, and goals into compelling, professional essays that make you stand out from the crowd.

Here are some of our top tips for writing an excellent statement of purpose or personal statement, using an example essay from one of our previous clients:

 

1. Craft an engaging and relevant introduction

A clear narrative is key to a successful statement, and the intro is the first step of your story. It needs to stick in the reader’s memory, while also relating to all of the ideas in your response. This is not an easy task! 

For this reason, we suggest writing your introduction at the very end, when you have a clear idea of what your main ideas are. By then, you will have a better idea of what kinds of hooks and overarching ideas will fit best.

To choose an engaging hook statement, there are a multitude of possibilities for success, but there are a few approaches that have worked well for many of our clients. Start with a personal story of when you first realized your purpose or career drive; doing this simultaneously shows the reader that your motivations are deep-rooted and paints a vivid picture of yourself from the beginning. 

For example, to begin his essay, one of our clients introduced his passion for food and its impact on society:

“I have always been driven to promote positive change in people’s lives, especially through the medium of food. My passion for food grew from cooking vegetarian recipes with my mother as a child. As I grew up, I learned about the benefits of reducing meat consumption for both human health and the health of our planet, and I grew more interested in changing the way people consume food.”

You can also start with a problem statement. However, only do this if it is the foundation of the experiences and goals you will be discussing (otherwise, you can save this for your goals section). This is a great idea when your career is based on a looming or urgent issue that  needs to be solved; you will be capturing the reader’s attention and urging them to wonder how your work will contribute to a solution, which will encourage them to want to keep reading. Here is an example from another client’s essay:

Although 60% of Brazil’s population is Black, only 8% of leadership positions and 21% of doctorate students are Black; furthermore, there are no policies that incentivize reducing racial disparities in faculty. For instance, as an economic master’s student, I was the only Black person in my class, and I had no Black professors. Consequently, class discussions were disconnected from the reality of minorities, who make up a disproportionate amount of those in poverty. I realized that this lack of representation heavily impacted the relevance of economic policy, and I understood my responsibility to bring practical insights to the field.

Another idea is to start with a quote that inspires or motivates you. However, approach this one with caution; we often see clients use quotes that are either overly generic or or don’t relate to the rest of their ideas, which ends up simply confusing the reader.

 

2. Describe your biggest accomplishments and strengths with examples

Although you typically have a higher word count in personal statements/statements of purpose than more ‘focused’ prompts, you still need to limit the number of stories you tell about yourself (this ensures you are leaving space for your ‘future’ section, and keeps your essay focused). 

Therefore, we recommend that you choose around 3 main ideas that you want to communicate in your essay (for example, strengths, skills, or lessons learned) and aim to write one paragraph for each one. 

For each main idea, remember that you must prove your point to the reader. “Show, not tell” is a phrase we repeat to our clients all the time! To do this, avoid listing as many points as possible – remember, we want quality over quantity. 

Instead, choose one or two examples that can serve as representations of each idea, and if you have the room, write them out in STAR format. Doing this is the most effective way to illustrate your points: it allows the reader to follow a story, which makes your point more memorable, provides clear imagery and shows how you apply your strengths and skills and requires you to discuss their impact by including results. 

It is also beneficial to include a takeaway for each story – what did this experience teach you/how did this influence your career path going forward? This will help you connect the dots and ensure fluidity.

Here is one example from our food-oriented client’s essay:

In college, I co-founded [redacted], a student-run, pro-bono consulting organization, as a way to connect students with and support the work of non-profits in the wider community. As Client Outreach Director, I prospected non-profit clients for our student project teams, meeting individually with several leaders to learn about their missions, what they were struggling with, and how [redacted] could help. I had the opportunity to work with the Chief Marketing Officer at [redacted], a sustainability-focused non-profit, to overhaul all the social media platforms of their organization. I developed a lean six sigma assignment for them, which increased their social media traffic by 400%. Not only did I help our nonprofit clients expand their impact, but I also gave students the opportunity to become socially-conscious pillars of the community. Meeting the faces of those working to build their communities inspired me to leverage my passion for food to drive my own social impact aspirations forward.

 

3. Clearly state your goals 

Once you’ve finished writing about your past, it’s now time to connect all of this to your future. The main ideas you’ve chosen to write about should provide a foundation for your goals statement, so think of a transition that explains the connection between what you’ve learned so far and how you plan to take that forward with you.

You will want to state both your short- (just after the master’s program) and long-term goals (5-10 years in the future). Make sure that they are detailed, actionable, and realistic. This includes adding in a position and company, if possible, and what actions and responsibilities you will have in each role. It will also be beneficial for you to add in what achievements you want to make – this will highlight the kinds of changes and leadership you will bring to your field.

To illustrate how this can look, here is our client’s goals statement: 

[Project started by client, redacted] has been my first step in creating change in the food industry by mainstreaming plant-focused lifestyles, especially amidst the permanent societal changes that COVID-19 has caused. I want to adapt to those changes and start to build a platform to serve environmentally and financially sustainable food. To work towards this mission, in the short-term, I aim to become an [redacted] at [redacted]. In this role, I will improve my quantitative understanding of business investments and how to connect with sustainable funders. These learnings will prepare me for my long-term goal of maximizing the sustainability and effectiveness of [client’s food company] and making it into a standardized platform to connect local caterers to students across the US. With a wider platform, I expect [company] to change how the communities it operates in think about food consumption and sourcing.

For more on this, see our blog on writing about your goals!

 

4. Explain why you need a master’s 

Now that you have your past and future explained clearly, it is time to connect the program you are applying to into your story. Although this is the selling point of your response, this is the section that candidates often fail to include, which greatly diminishes their chance of admission!

You want to simultaneously show that you have done your research about the school and program and that there are specific opportunities that align directly with your goals and needs. 

Sometimes, applicants will include a statement on what their skill and knowledge gaps are – this can help make it clear to the admissions committee what you will be working on during your master’s and help you make clear links to aspects of the program. 

Even if you decide not to include a gap statement, it is important for you to illustrate exactly what/whom you plan to engage with during your studies and how you will apply this towards reaching your goals. This can include specific courses, clubs, professors, networking opportunities, etc. To highlight your strengths, discuss how you will enrich the community and how this will be valuable to others. 

Here is an excerpt from our client’s connections to the program he was applying for: 

I can’t wait to take advantage of HBS’s unique ecosystem of resources. HBS’s Rock Accelerator will be an amazing opportunity to immerse myself in growing my startup, where I will find great mentors and learn about funding. I will learn how to think about the food industry holistically and how to adapt and rebuild business models to achieve strategic, long-term success.

No matter what you decide to mention, ensure that you are proving to the readers that you have a plan for how to take advantage of the master’s and that you will use your learnings wisely!

 

5. Conclude with a summary and vision

Your conclusion is a great opportunity to synthesize your story and provide the reader with an idea of what larger change or ideal it all fits into. It also allows you to see whether everything you’ve chosen to write about fits together – if you can craft a summary statement that relates all of your ideas together, then you know you are on the right track! 

Here are some questions you can ask yourself when crafting this: What is most important about all the past and future aspects of my career? What have I learned over the course of my personal and career development that relates to my goals? What has motivated me throughout all of my experiences? 

We also suggest summarizing what your strengths (and perhaps your gaps) are, how you will enrich the program and community, and how you will develop after all you’ve learned during the master’s. 

Lastly, we have found that ending your conclusion on a forward-looking note is a very effective way of putting your story in context of a big and meaningful idea. 

Some questions that may help you achieve this: What bigger change or ideal will achieving my goals contribute to? Why are my future achievements important – whom/what will this affect and why is this needed? What movement am I joining or spearheading and what kinds of improvements will this bring? 

Answering questions like these is a great technique to really prove to the admissions committee that you are passionate about your work and have an idea of what bigger values or changes you are working to contribute to.

For example, here is our client’s last sentence: 

HBS will help shape me into the leader I aspire to be: an entrepreneurial thinker who can one day make a positive impact in people’s lives through affordable and accessible health food.

 

We Make Your Story Shine

One of the most common mistakes we see in essays is that candidates fail to tell compelling stories. This is important because if your stories are not compelling, they will not be persuasive. At the same time, they must be backed by strong examples that establish a track record of success and prove to the admissions committees why you belong at their school. 

Striking this balance between content and creativity can be tough, however, as succeeding means not only choosing the right stories but ensuring they are told in an optimal manner. 

This is why our iterative developmental feedback process here at Ellin Lolis Consulting helps you mold your message through the application of our storytelling expertise until it reflects exactly what makes your profile stand out and show fit with your target program. 

Not only can you take advantage of our iterative feedback process through multiple edits – you can also benefit from it after a single review! If your budget is tight, our editors will be happy to help polish your text as much as possible and leave “bonus comments” so you can keep working on it on your own!

No matter how long we work with you, we will always ensure your essays shine. Sign up to work with our team of storytelling experts and get accepted.